Monday, October 11, 2010

Search

Look.
Stop.
Stare.
Listen. Ponder. Think.
See.
See me. Myself.
See my life. My experiences. My thoughts, words, actions. My mind, heart, soul.
Look in the mirror.
What's there? What do I see?
I see the surface. I see the dark haired, wide eyed, timid little girl I am. Outspoken, shy, excited. Obnoxious, hyper, fun-loving. Wild.
Is that it?
The surface. It's visible. It's clear.
But what's hiding beneath that cover? What's down there? Does anyone see it? Do I see it?
Is it lost? Does it exist? Am I just a surface?
How long have I been hiding behind that surface?
Look deeper.
What's there?
I see memories. I see thoughts. I see moments. I see emotions. Silly. Random. Painful. Aching. Sweet. Silent. Simple. Insignificant yet so crucial to the person I'm looking for. The person I'm trying so hard to be. To find.
Now look at my reflection. I see weakness. I see strength. I see beauty. I see time.
I see me. Someone who has passed the test. Not the test. But one of them.
I see a brilliant little girl. One who has fought and won the battles of her childhood and younger years. She's pure. She shines. Thrives with so much possibility and potential.
But she hides.
It's like looking at a mirror that reflects too much light, making it impossible to see anything at all.
This girl is ready. Ready to take on life. To challenge it. To test it. To tap into that distant and concealed potential.
I'm prepared. I can handle it.
I'm ready to stretch myself. To search. To seek. To be.
I'll sift and search through my surface until I find it. Ignore the pain and discomfort and I'll reach it.
I'm not just a surface.
I'll find it. My core. My soul.
I'll live. I'll be. I'll do. I'll thrive.

1 comment:

Brandon said...

This is kind of what I was talking about. This is exactly what I want.