Reasons to Celebrate: 2.25.2011

1. My hair is straight. It's kind of a big deal.

2. I hit the green light on my way to school yesterday. Usually I miss it because it only lasts about uhh 3.7 seconds. But it waited for me.

3. Sibling is coming to visit me tonight.

4. And we're gonna play Just Dance. (I don't think you are fully comprehending my excitement.) Imma kick his little bum.

(Yeah. I just said that.)

5. Took the Color Code test. I'm a red. Should've seen that coming.

6. My math teacher and I are officially FB friends. Well, technically I guess he's my ex math teacher. But we're past that.

7. Oldies 94.1 has been good to me lately.

8. I bought a new "purse". It's really just a big canvas bag with lots of pockets, but it suits me. I do like pockets.

9. I've been rather chipper lately. I couldn't tell you why, though.

(Because then I'd have to kill you.) 

(No, no, I'm just kidding about that last bit.)

10. Sibling and I are road-tripping to Boise tomorrow. It's been years. Too many of them.

11. Free fives on Fridays! It's become a tradition at the office. Woot.

12. And I bought Spiderman socks last night. Go ahead, be jealous. I won't mind.

Only Joking

"What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the ocean?"

My answer: Dead.

Correct answer: Bob.

It took me a second to get it.

"What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying on the grill?"

My answer: Dead...and burned.

Correct answer: Frank.

I get it, I get it. As in hot dog.

"What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying by your front door?"

My answer: Dead...and the authorities are on their way so you had better come up with a good explanation.

Correct answer: Matt.

I like my answer better.

It's the End of the World

Doors open.

Toilets flush.

Faucets run.

Paper towels are dispensed.

Blinds open.

Stairs move.

Even sidewalks move.

I get confused all the time. Will the door open for me, or will I have to physically move it? Will I find out before I run into the glass and look like an idiot?

I'm pretty sure this is the beginning of the end. When society is too lazy to open their own doors or even flush their own toilets, there is a huge problem.

(And, yes, I do understand that sometimes people do not flush, and I am incredibly grateful for automatic flushers in those situations.)

I'm still geekin' out about it.

That's all.

I Believe

I should have died.

I heard the sickening crunch of metal on metal. I saw the gray-blue hatchback spinning uncontrollably, too fast...right toward the driver's side of my Passat.

I was trapped. There was no time. I was paralyzed. I shut my eyes, held my breath, and braced myself as shards of glass rained on my windshield. The seconds ticked by. I asked God to watch over my family. To keep my sister safe. To forgive me my sins. I hoped that I wasn't too late. I thought about my life. My choices. My mistakes. I thought about him. Her. Them.

The sound of screeching tires interrupted my prayer but was soon drowned out by the dull throb of my heartbeat. Thuh-bum. Thuh-bum. Thuh-bum. It echoed in my head.

I squeezed my eyes tight and gripped the steering wheel. Every muscle in my body tensed, just waiting for the impact.

And then...

Silence.

My eyes opened. Bits of glass covered my car. Chunks of metal settled across the intersection. I looked over my shoulder. The totaled Subaru sat ten feet away. Behind me.

I should have died. It was coming straight for me. Considering its direction and speed, there was no way the car should have not hit me. I was right in the line of fire. I saw it. I know.

I believe in miracles. I believe in prayer. I believe in angels. I believe in God.

I should have died. But I did not.

Sound

I want to learn to play the cello this year.

It has such a beautiful, deep resonance (isn't that a great word?).

It makes me sigh.

It reminds me of chocolate.

(And, hey, who doesn't like chocolate?)

Dark chocolate. Creamy, melt-in-your-mouth Dove chocolate.

Anyway. That's my goal for the day.

(Check this out.)

"Special" K

This morning I poured water in my cereal. I'm still trying to figure out how I managed to do that.

I'm blaming the pain killers.

(I've had a lot of those lately - that's a story for another day.)

Definitely the drugs.

It's okay, though. I caught myself before I could fill up the bowl with tap water and completely destroy my breakfast of champions. 

Breakfast was saved by the ninja reflexes of the Bee.