The Difference

Consider the definitions of two elementary words: listening and hearing. To hear is defined as “to perceive by ear.” To listen is described as “to concentrate on hearing.”

Our culture today widely accepts hearing and listening to be interchangeable, one and the same. Unfortunately, we are disregarding the difference between the words and the fact that we, as humans, are programmed with an exigent need to communicate. Without effective listening skills, we cannot effectively communicate, and without effective communication we cannot effectively build natural human relationships. We are slowly but most definitely losing the ability to shape and support those bonds.

How often do we catch ourselves merely “hearing” what others are trying to say? How often do we actually remember the words spoken? Listening has an influence in every aspect of our life; work, school, home, and in our social lives. Just hearing can only get us so far. Listening provides us with necessary knowledge as well as testifies that you can actually listen. When we practice convincing and direct listening, we are proving to others that yes, we care, and yes, we have the desire to understand what they are sharing.

Catching and understanding the difference between hearing and listening is such a crucial quality. So many times I have tried communicating a point to someone who just couldn’t listen. They didn’t know how. The thought briefly wisped through their mind and was lost in the void. I felt unimportant and neglected. The listener (or “hearer”) couldn’t even remember half the things I said, most of which were actually important to me. This revelation broke my confidence; I felt as if my opinions didn’t matter. Whether the topic is more trivial like peanut butter cookies (and how I truly don’t like peanut butter) or actually a thought worth knowing, I’m constantly finding myself in “bad listener” situations.

What if we treated our managers and coworkers with such disrespect? What about our spouses or children? Our friends and neighbors? Obviously the outcome wouldn’t be too positive. By failing to communicate correctly we bar ourselves from keeping close those who are important to us. People begin to mistrust us and feel that their thoughts and words are not important enough to be given our attention. It takes a shot at their confidence, making them even less likely to trust you with their information.

Every person communicates differently. Sometimes we really are listening but don’t seem to be paying attention. My father, who has been struggling with hearing problems all his life, has to physically and visually show that he is listening. We’re never quite sure if he actually heard us or not until he’s able to prove it. By establishing a habit of making eye contact, showing a reaction in his expressions, and responding to comments, he has proven himself as effective listener. If we couldn’t see his response we would assume he was just hearing, or wonder if he was even hearing at all.

From experiences like these, we see that effective communication and listening relies on more than just hearing. Listening requires concentration. Concentrating on what you’re hearing can include making direct eye contact, acknowledging the speaker with your facial expressions and responses, not interrupting, and showing the actual desire to hear what the speaker has to say by remembering it in the future. Ascertain that you actually are understanding and processing the content. In many cases people forget these simple qualities of listening and revert back to the norm of “hearing” instead.

There is nothing to be gained by simply hearing except an appreciation of the sound of a rainstorm and fear of the rumbling thunder. Listening – real, genuine listening – brings knowledge, trust, success, and confidence. We would do well to understand the difference.